Why Green Bay Lost Last Season, Tom Brädy,

 It’s still baseball season, fortunately. 

cheesehead bra

Ahhh, fall .The time when the kids return to their academic prisons, the weather starts to turn rotten (though the 90+ temperatures of the last 2 days may fool us into thinking that winter is still far off), our consumption of fossil fuels goes up here in the Northeast, and selfish Bostonians start rooting in the basement for the old chair they think will entitle them to a spot of public property just because they were stupid enough to park their before a snow storm. (News alert: I am stealing your space savers this year.)

And football. I annually give thanks that my son did not want to participate in that sport where some much larger, overfed kid with violent tendencies (encouraged by coaches and parents) would slam into his head, causing him to both lose IQ points and possibly become more psychologically troubled than his mother and I are already going to make him.(It’s  due to our remarkable inability to coparent, and it’s mostly her fault, mind you).

Football season in New England sucks. (This year, fortunately, the Red Sox have been so awful that natives have actually stopped talking about it, which is good, because they are ignoramuses when it comes to matters west of the 72nd meridian, where most of  the cool stuff usually happens.) Now I have to see Bill Belichek’s sour expression on newspapers and TV for the next four months. And hear about Tom Brady on NPR. NPR! I listen to NPR so I don’t have to hear about him.  Here’s a dork, who in a move worthy of Richard Nixon bugging Democratic National Headquarters, conspires to deflate footballs. Only the permafrost brains her in New England believe he’s innocent. Actually, they’re probably the only ones who care.  (If Brady were such a nice guy, he and Ms. Bündchen  would have just donated money to Pine Manor College instead of scooping up its real estate in a fire sale, just so they could build yet another monument to their success.) I wonder if the judge on that case went to bed lamenting that he went to law school so he could referee millionaires quibbling over cheating at a kids’ game.


As for last season’s NFC final, the Packers should have won. They were not terribly outplayed in the second half, but a series of bad decisions and missed opportunities combined to create a situation where the hopes of millions of Wisconsinites were flushed down the drain, like so much waste from a dairy barn at cleanup time. But Wisconsinites have been making some pretty bad decisions in general, lately.  I personally think that forces in universe moved against the Packers because they were punishing Wisconsin for the abomination that is Scott Walker. But who knows.


maybe G-d is just lactose intolerant.

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