Tag: National Review

Conservative Vacationing: How to have a holiday free from dissenting opinions


Oh, it was so hard not reading Paul Krugman this week! Instead, I turned to the BostonHerald.com where the lead “article” was by Mitt Romney on why Obama is a failure. However, I am surviving buoyed by the thought that one can….

Vacation without Liberals!!!!!
I should be grateful (to myself, who made this stupid dare in the first place?) that I actually gave myself a rather easy foray into my liberalism fast and conservativism pig-out. If I had any real backbone,  I’d have taken the opportunity to go on a Conservative Cruise. Yes, such a beast actually exists. Imagine: warm breezes, tropical cocktails, and being stuck on a ship with nothing between you and liberalism except miles and miles of the deep blue sea. Chained to conservative fellow Americans for 10 straight days, much of it with no land in sight. The delicious possibility of being stuck in a lifeboat for days with 2nd amendment fanatics. Who wouldn’t want to go?
Old Europe with Neo-Cons
Perhaps, if I really wanted to see the Neocons party hardy I could take the Weekly Standard’s 10-night European cruise. After being waited on by earnest and hungry young Eastern European workers—giving me a level of luxury that I could never afford in the United States  (damned minimum-wage law) I could settle my stomach while listening to New York Times dropout William Kristol, Ambassador Who Was Never Confirmed, John Bolton, and Terry Eastland, whoever the hell he is.
If I wanted revel in irony, there’s the Young America’s foundation 10-night European cruise, which features superannuated Reagan relic/resigned in scandal Edwin Meese III.   You can hit the late night buffet with professional Reagan bootlicker and monster truck fan Steven Hayward, or token African-American Dr. Walter Williams, best known for sitting in for Rush Limbaugh and writing in the WSJ that welfare finished what slavery started.
Cruising Con in the Land of the Free
CPAC’s cruise is going to Alaska,  America’s last frontier, this July. I don’t suppose that their highlighted speaker, Donald Rumsfeld, would be interested in a Mediterranean cruise, floating among the the ruins of “old Europe.” But as much as I would like to see the grandeur of our country’s wildest state, you’re not going to catch me on a ship with our ex-Secretary of Defense.  It just seems like courting bad luck, especially if there are icebergs around. Moreover, overexposure to the Palins over the last few years has diminished my desire to see the great North. The only possible upside I could see to Alaska trip would be the possibility of meeting Willow Palin, getting her pregnant and not having to work anymore (quiet down, it’s a wealth fantasy, folks, not a sexual one. Private school tuition has reached $52,000 a year, and I have two children: do the math. Also, Willow has reached the age of consent in Alaska). The problem is that  I’m not particularly fond of opportunist hillbillies, and millions of dollars seems small recompense for being joined to Sarah Palin in some way for the rest of my life.
Con-ga in the Caribbean
I think the cruise that I really want to go on is the one sponsored by the National Review. I can  smoke stogies while grooving to the retro stylings of Ralph Reed (living proof that more Americans believe in the Devil than in evolution), Victor Davis Hanson (“I read Homer in the original, so I must be right”) , John Yoo (cheerleader for torture from the Bush Jr administration) , and Dinesh D’Souza (the adult Shirley Temple of the movement). Also appearing is S.E. Cupp, , an ex-ballet dancer and atheist who wants to be a person of faith (What a shame for her Fox News career that her name isn’t Debra Denise). By shunning contact lenses for the more IQ-augmenting spectacles, she attains that sexy librarian look that wonky cons just can’t resist.(Note to Sarah Elizabeth: keep your distance from O’Reilly, or wear a wire.)
Can’t We  Rent a Destroyer for this Cruise?
I have to admit that I don’t have the  cojones to go on the 2011 freedom cruise. Although it is staying in the Caribbean, i.e., within firing range of the homeland, having just a railing separating me from convicted felon Ollie North and Davy Jones Locker is just too frightening. Pair that with the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre, and the nightmare scenario seems just too close to reality.

I have to wonder what inspired these conservative cruises. Presumably, these people can mingle on terra firma just as well as they can at sea. I suppose the appeal is being able to go on a vacation that won’t   be sullied by having to look at or listen to liberals. On a regular cruise, one might be forced to actually sit down at a table with one of those godless latte-sipping libs. It could ruin the whole vacation. The cons on these trips can book their vacations, secure in the knowledge that they won’t be exposed to any offensive ideas.  Being isolated on ship with  a limited number of  people on it, the Conservative Cruise is the most reliable way of knowing that you’re  on a ship with the highest percentage of “real” Americans short of booking a trip on an aircraft carrier.
NB:The cruises only book a percentage of the ships’ rooms, which number in the thousands.

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Contemplating my 2nd day as a Conservative: I read the National Review


"Now, now, surely you’re not implying the phenomenon is more prevalent among entertainers than among other blacks, uh, Afro-Americans, uh, whatever phrase is current among you coloreds."

I am doing quite well, 2 days away from the Times, NPR, and of course, the dulcet tones of Rachel Maddow, whose voice lulls me to sleep as I lie on the couch after a hard day of unsuccessfully trying to save the world. Tonight, instead of entering into my liberal cocoon, I  am collecting sap from the maple trees and boiling it down into syrup–it makes me feel like a very useful engine.
March 4
Today I decided that I would go with a more “intellectual” source of conservatism, and I went to the National Review online. I am glad for online magazines, because unlike the olden days   (ironically those days when I was a novice in the church of the free market, somewhere out in the hinterlands) when I would have had to either go to a library (this wasn’t so bad–libraries were heaven then) or shell out some of my ill-gotten gains in order to buy a hard copy of the rag, I could get what I wanted with only a few ever-so-subtle movements of my fingers, all accomplished from the privacy of my own house.
This is the world being made better. Before, not only would I have regretted helping to pay Michelle Malkin’s salary—though I suppose that each click I made today does help  her and the publication in a tiny way–but I would have had to put the magazine in the recycle bin when I was finished. The recycled product might have ended up in the coffee filters I use, and then I might have ended up drinking my free-trade coffee after it had actually passed through all of that bad karma. Imagine the  consequences to my atman, not to mention the public in general if say I had operated a vehicle or some other heavy machinery while the beverage’s bad energy was still inside me.
Anyway, I read an article by Jim Manzi  on whether or not universal health care would improve overall health. Despite my quest for something less strident and more logical than yesterday’s visit to talk radio, I couldn’t help thinking that  calm, rational Jim completely missed the point: The point being that even if health care didn’t improve, at least a large number of our fellow citizens wouldn’t end up in the poorhouse if they got sick. Oh, and those with preexisting conditions might actually get treatment.
If I may adopt the patronizing attitude of the magazine’s founder,  I would say that the danger in an article like this is that by throwing around terms like “randomized experiment”  and quoting RAND studies and oh-so-generously conceding the shortcomings of the information while giving mincing credit to one’s opponents, the already-convinced (most readers of this article, libs are too upset these days to pick up a copy) believe that they are getting some sort of scientific proof for their prejudices.
Enough highfalutin shit, let’s go to Facebook !
Because I am still trying to capture the essence of my new conservatism, I felt an urge, nay, an obligation to see the up-to-the-minute passions of my compatriots on Facebook. It’s like so immediate, it’s so right there. I mean, some of these posts were only seconds old when I read them.
They looked something like this (these are in response to a Facebook posting on Fox News using footage of a violent protest in California while talking about the ongoing demonstrations in Madison):
•    Not sure why conservatives are on here – it’s common knowledge only complete morons watch Ed Schultz and arguing with them is about as useful trying to get Ed Schultz to have a rational conversation.
•    I love FOX news. THE ONLY reliable news . I hate the rest media outlets. They are only one sided.
•    And st…op blaming Walkerr. He’s trying to do a good job. Ant most of protestors  are lazy s.o.b. trying to fight the right to have more from the golden pot (our tax money) Roll down sleeves and go to work. 100.000 salary for 9 months is not enough? it’s moire then 10.000 a month or 500 a day. I work my butt running my small business to get less then half that and only dream about 3 week vacation.
•    WOW HOW STUPID ALL OF YOU ARE! DO YOUR RESEARCH YOU FREAKING PINHEADS! THEY STATED IN THE BROADCAST THEY WERE CHECKING IN WITH PEOPLE “ALL OVER THE COUNTRY” YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF LIBERALLY BRAIN-WASHED MORONS THAT CAN’T THINK FOR YOURSELVES
•    Look your morons,they are talking about protesters in general.I didn’t see one place on that photo where they said it was wisconsin.Maybe an idiot camera man put up the wrong photo but whats the big deal?

It’s tough, but I think I am learning.

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