Sessions makes it through 2.5 hours of testimony with no bathroom breaks. He even drank a little water.


Other than that, it was a pretty unremarkable event. Sessions pouted, refused to answer questions, revealed that he doesn’t take notes, and has a really, really bad memory.

Following his testimony in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee today, many reporters were astounded at how well dressed and groomed the Attorney General was. “Sitting as I was, in front of Mr. Sessions’s table, I was quite impressed. In spite of clear damage to his memory functions, he was able to find not only all of the required items of clothing, but he even had matching socks.”

It is well known, of course, that he has people to drive him around, remind him of appointments, and put large-print prepared remarks in front of him, but his impersonation of a functioning elderly person was universally acknowledged as nothing short of brilliant. “It makes you think he could still find his car in a parking lot,” oozed Senator Risch of Idaho, not a man to give praise lightly.

Granny-Sessions
“No one ever put one over on Granny, and they’re not going to do it to me.”  
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